Brunch Stroll

After a nice brunch with Little David at the usual spot, Eddie, the Farmboyz and I ran across the 2007 Pillow-Fight NYC in Union Square, and paused to watch a few hundred mostly-NYU students beat each other over the head. Then we trekked a couple miles into the wilds of West Chelsea to Awakened, David LaChappelle's new exhibit at Tony Shafrazi Gallery, Father Tony was disappointed to find only one naked photo of Amanda Lepore. However, we did adore most of the exhibit, especially LaChapelle's take on Warhol's classic Liz Taylor portrait.
UPDATE: The Farmboyz have video of the pillow fight.

Worst.Sex.Ever.

Long overdue, here's the text from my performance at last week's Worst.Sex.Ever show. My apologies for the delay. I misplaced my notes during the post-show drunkathon and had just resigned myself to rewriting it from scratch when I found the notes in the same coat I'd searched three times. Stupid beer. (Photo via emcee Chris Hampton.)

Worst. Sex. Ever.

Like most gay men in their 40's, I've developed a pretty good sense when somebody just isn't gonna work out sexually. Unlike in my youth, when I ignored glaring, flashing warning signs, like the guy who said, "Listen, if we're gonna do this, we should probably get going. I've got this ankle bracelet on and I'm not supposed to be this far from my house."

Or the guy who said, "I suppose I should tell you that I'm just getting over the clap. I mean, it's cool, I had the shot and all, so in case there's still some discharge, you don't have to worry."

OR the guy who said, "I don't live far, but if you come over, don't park in the driveway. My ex is kinda crazy and the last time he saw a trick's car in my driveway, he sorta set it on fire."

Yeah, still did them. All three. Luckily, nothing ended up burning, including my dick.

And since WYSIWYG is an all-blogger event, I feel I must share with you some of the worst things guys have said to me online, where it's always hard to make the right call, even when you think you've been around. Here's a top ten list, some of which I've shared with my blog readers, as a public service. These are all verbatim emails.

1. Hey dud! Put that in the sexy place.

2. I am sloppy wide open bottom. You will never get to the bottom of my cunt.

3. Tonight, I'm feeling VERY ranchy. How 'bout u?

4. I hope you're into barebaking, cuz I'd love for you to bread me.

5. Can you get into rapping me? I love rap scenes. I will leave the door open. Bring something sharp.

6. Can't you host? I can't, cuz I'm small and somewhat spaced.

7. I am *completely* uninhabited.

8. Are you interested in a gang-bag? I would love for you and your hot friends to gang-bag me because I am a sloppy wide open bottom.

(Number 8 might have been the same guy from #2.)

9. Do you love man-smells like I do? I hope so because I haven't had a shower in 5 days.

And the worst thing ever said to me online, from just yesterday:

10. You are the hottest guy I've seen on this site EVER. I would do anything you want me to. P.S. I LOVE OLD MEN!

I didn't do any of those guys. Mostly. But now let's get to some non-virtual sex. I should preface this by repeating that I have been around. Oh, yes. I've been to bathhouses and sex clubs. I've attended International Mister Leather and Folsom Street Fair, many, many times. I was in a bar when their Mr. Watersports 1998 won his golden crown (which, incidentally, was not unlike attending a Gallagher concert, in that everybody near the stage was given a plastic sheet if they wanted it. Um, most, didn't want it.)

I was in the house when a cock-n-ball torture demonstration when horribly, horribly wrong ("Paramedics to the SF Eagle, stat!"), and I was in the house when the winner of the Mr. Powerhouse contest was revealed by having a famous fisting porn star squat over the judge's open hand and push out the winner's billiard ball.

"And YOUR Mr. Powerhouse 1997 is ...."

(Plop.)

"Number 14!"

I've played along, even when the scene held little interest. I've tied men up. I've flogged them, fisted them, spanked them, gut-punched them, shaved their heads and their asses. Once, a guy asked me if he could bring his "sounds" and thinking he meant music, I enthusiastically said, "Sure, bring 'em all!", only to find out that the "sounds" he was referring to were long, steel surgical rods that he intended to plunge into my urethra. (Sooo not gonna happen.)

So you can see that I am good sport, usually. There's only a handful of physical kinks that I haven't gamely played along with. Physical kinks are easy. Spread apart this, shackle that, electrify those. Easy. But it's the mental kinks that drive me crazy. (Not the name calling, so much. I've happily called guys whores and pigs and worthless pieces of shit when they wanted me to. Mostly, because, you know, they were.)

It's the role-playing that works my nerves. In the last 20 years, I've been the angry prison warden with an escaped prisoner. I've been a soccer coach, a police officer, and a school principal. I've been a drill sergeant so many times that my boots have a permanent spit shine.

A few years ago, I showed up at the Hell's Kitchen apartment of a very hot Latino bodybuilder, who, in the thickest Elmer Fudd accent I've ever heard, presented me with an elaborate fantasy in which I was to describe all the most horrible violent things I might want to do him. Standing in his kitchen, I just sort of nodded, trying to decide what I was going to do.

He took off his shirt, revealing a massive muscular chest, and naturally, instinctively, I reached out for it. And he recoiled from my touch. He jerked back as if I was reaching for him with poo on a stick. I said, "What's the matter?" and he said, fuddily, "I'm weewee not into a wot of...touching."

I said, "Oh, my god, we could have done this on the phone!" And when I stormed out, I said, "By the way, call me in a hour, because now I really do want to do horrible things to you."

But my worst role playing situation happened back in San Francisco. I was home officed, and one slow afternoon I picked up a guy online with the intriguing, if redundant screen name "WhiteTrashRedneck". He was hot, covered with tats, not normally my thing, but certainly in character with his screen name.

Within 5 minutes of arrival, he laid it on me. "So, you get into any, um role playing?"

Mentally, I cringed. Well maybe I cringed a little physically, too.

"Like what?"

"Well, something that I really dig is daddy/ boy roleplay."

"What, like a power exchange, master/slave kinda thing?"

"No, like you play like you're my father and I'm your son."

(Visions of NAMBLA flash through my head.)

"Ooookay. And what's the situation?"

(Of course I knew what the situation would be, it's the oldest one in the book for us roleplaying experts.)

"Well, maybe I could be beating off and..."

"And "Daddy" could catch you?"

"Yeah, and maybe..."

"And maybe Daddy could tell you that it's OK and that all men do it and that Daddy should probably make sure that you're doing it correctly by demonstrating proper beating off technique to his son?

WhiteTrashRedneck's eyes glazed over. "Yeaaaaah, that's hottttttttt!"

I sighed. But I stepped up to the plate. I exited, stage left, and returned to catch my son jacking off. I confronted him, angrily. His frantic denial turned to tearful confession. I consoled. He calmed. I demonstrated. He watched. And through it all, folks, I stayed in character. I was the Daddy of WhiteTrashRedneck. I may have been ad-libbing, this may be been mere Daddy/Boy improv, but I hit my marks and I owned that character. We're talking Daytime Emmy here, people.

And thirty minutes later, after that bravura performance, as I had WhiteTrashRedneck face down on my bed and was fucking the WhiteTrash out of him, he began to whimper. Softly, at first, then more loudly.

"Why, Daddy, why??"

I thought, "Oh, great. I didn't know there was a second act."

"Because I caught you."

"You didn't catch me, you MADE me!"

Um, what?

"Why Daddy, why? I'm just a little boy! I'm just a little boy!"

I got off him and WhiteTrashRedneck rolled over and began screaming at me, "You raped me! You raped me, Daddy! I hate you! I hate you!"

He was really screaming! Somebody was going to CALL THE POLICE. There were a dozen units in my building and the walls were paper thin.

I got off the bed. "Yeah, listen...this isn't..."

"Dude, it's cool."

"Whatever, but..."

"No seriously, my shrink said it's good for me do this."

"Listen, I don't think my neighbors need to be hearing somebody screaming "You raped me, Daddy' coming out of my apartment."

And I made him leave. And I fled the apartment soon after him, afraid to be at home in case someone HAD called the police. I didn't come back for hours. About a month later, I had forgotten about him completely when my black mail lady handed me my mail as I passed in the hallway.

With a faint smirk on her face, she held out a stack of envelopes and said, "Here's your mail...Daddy."
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55% Would Vote Gay. Maybe.

A slim majority of Americans would vote for a gay or lesbian presidential candidate if he or she were "generally qualified", according to a Gallup poll released today. Other results: 98% would vote for a Catholic (Giuliani), 95% for an African-American (Obama), 88% for a woman (Clinton), 72% for a Mormon (Romney). I'd like to see what the numbers are for self-identified Democrats, I'm guessing the gap between African-American and woman might evaporate.

I'm sure we'll never see an out gay president in our lifetimes. And the only category to score below 50%, unsurprisingly, are atheists. I'm guessing that a gay atheist like me would score somewhere below a serial killer. Good evening, Clarice.

Related: Florida Gov. Charlie Crist still over-tan, under-out.
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Welcome To NYC: Please Refrain From Getting Down With Your Bad Self

Hot on the heels of yesterday's news about the demise of NYC's Roxy nightclub, comes word that the NY State Appellate Court has upheld the 80-year old "cabaret law" that bans dancing in bars and restaurants. The court's ruling says, "Recreational dancing is not a form of expression protected by the federal or state constitutions." In the 1960's, NYC had over 1000 establishments with the necessary license that allows dancing. Today there are less than 300. The "nightlife capital of the world" continues its dreary, non-dance step towards complete gentrification. Ooh, look! There's a Barnes & Noble!
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Kill Batty Man

Google is hosting a Jamaica-based blog, Kill Batty Man, that advocates the murder of all gay people, naming the names of those to be killed. The top post on Kill Batty Man today is a gleeful photo essay of last week's attack by a violent Kingston mob on three men presumed to be gay. Other posts rail against the incursion of American "batty-culture" into Jamaican media and advertising, noting that while anti-gay violence will "hurt Jamaica" economically, it's still a "good thing".

Kill Batty Man has been running for almost a year, with only a few posts each month, and has only now caused an outcry in the UK. In response, Google has said: "The blogger team will investigate and if it is found to violate our terms and conditions or is illegal we will take appropriate action." Yet, the blog remains.

Can this possibly fall under freedom of speech? Google appears to think so. However, inciting to murder is a crime just about everywhere. There are thousands of hate sites on the net and finding one on Google is disappointing. If you'd like Google to remove Kill Batty Man, you can flag the blog as inappropriate (in the top right corner), or you can email Google to complain at: press@google.com.

UPDATE: Thanks to complaints, Google has now placed a splash page over Kill Batty Man, with a caution to those wishing to proceed to the blog. According to Google TOS: Special Case for Hate Speech: When the community has voted and hate speech is identified on Blog*Spot, Google may exercise its right to place a Content Warning page in front of the blog and set it to "unlisted." At first, I thought this seemed like a fair compromise. Kill Batty Man is now an "unlisted" number. But as Helen points out in the comments below, Google TOS also stipulates that advocating illegal activity (such as killing queers) is grounds for deletion.

UPDATE II: There's an interesting discussion on the topic on Monkey Clubhouse.
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Karma Chameleon

You may recall Rev. Lonnie W. Latham, the Oklahoma Baptist minister who loudly advocated against gay marriage and for gay people to reject our "sinful, destructive lifestyle". That is, right up until his arrest last year for for offering an undercover cop a blowjob. Today, Latham's lawyer asked for the case to be thrown out, citing Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark SCOTUS decision that legalized consensual homosex nationwide.

Oh. The. Irony.

The lawyer, of course, is completely correct. And the ACLU is backing him up. The state of Oklahomo is maintaining that they have a "legitimate governmental interest" in regulating "offers of acts of lewdness." Oh, really? In that case, they better get busy arresting the millions of construction workers out there pumping their hips at female pedestrians. Nobody wants their mother to face those jerks, but that's why the FSM gave Mom a middle finger. Still, ya gotta love the sweet poetic justice of the Ol' Rev invoking the very ruling that gave Americans the right to sweaty gay homosexual mansex. Free Lonnie Latham! Blowjobs for all!
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2007 Oscar Predictions

Last year I did pretty well, picking 5 out the 6 top awards. Here's my prediction for the 2007 Oscars:

Best Picture: Babel
Best Director: Martin Scorcese, The Departed
Best Actor: Peter O'Toole, Venus
Best Actress: Helen Mirren, The Queen
Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls

What say you, cinephiles?

UPDATE: David has a funny breakdown of his predictions.
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Taxing Burden

New Yorkers won't be surprised to hear that the combined city/state tax bite for residents is 47% higher than than the average tax bite for the 8 other cities in the country with a population of greater than 1 million. The combined taxes per $100 of gross taxable resources:

1. NYC - $9.02
2. Philadelphia - $7.16
3. Los Angeles - $6.88
4. San Antonio - $6.70
5. San Diego - $6.01
6. Phoenix - $6.25
7. Chicago - $5.89
8. Houston - $5.23
9. Dallas - $5.20

Some of my closest friends live in Jersey, not just for the view of Manhattan from their cheaper apartments, but because of NYC's hefty city tax. The difference affords some of them the monthly payment on luxury automobiles for driving in to enjoy what Hackensack cannot provide. It's a tough call, that tradeoff, and is probably the #2 topic of conversation among Manhattanites, after real estate.
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Roxy To Close March 10th

New York City's legendary Roxy closes forever on March 10th, shortly before the building is set to be demolished. Originally a truck warehouse, then a roller-skating rink, Roxy has a been a staple of Manhattan nightlife for over 25 years and has hosted virtually ever pop star important to the gay community: Madonna, Cher, Bette Midler, etc. Roxy began its nighclub life as a host for break-dancing competitions and was the location for the 1984 movie Beat Street.

I haven't been to the Roxy since a DJ showcase (Jerry Bonham / Paul van Dyk) late in 2005, and I haven't been to their gay night in three or four years, but I did like the Roxy. It will be missed. Will another gay megaclub step into the void created by the departures of Roxy, Limelight, etc? The trend seems to be towards smaller rooms, more intimate spaces. There probably isn't a big space left in Manhattan anyway. Here's a great history of the Roxy, from NY Blade writer Matt Kalkhoff.
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Blarg Hop Reminder

Our 2007 East Village Blarg Hop is a little more than 48 hours away. If you are planning to join us, we will be kicking things off at Nowhere Bar at 9PM. We will depart each bar just before the hour to allow a couple minutes of walking time before the next bar. The route is fairly north to south, zig-zagging as we go.

Naturally, non-bloggers are implored to join us. In fact, a couple non-bloggers proved to be the life of last year's evening. (James, our "snow angel", comes to mind.) If you cannot make the kick-off, feel free to join us later on the schedule. It looks like we'll have as big a crowd as last year, which despite taking place in a blizzard, was over 40 drunks strong. Y'all should note that we will be finishing at The Cock, which will have a small door charge (usually $5). Hey, maybe somebody with Cock connections can get them to waive the door charge for our group. Heh, heh, "cock connections".

9PM - Nowhere Bar (322 E.14th @ 1st Ave)
10PM - Phoenix (447 E.13th @ 1st Ave)
11PM - Dick's Bar (192 2nd Ave @ E. 12th St)
12AM - Big Lug (85 Ave A @ E. 6th Street)
1AM - Boiler Room (86 E.4th St @ 1st Ave)
2 AM - The Cock (28 2nd Ave @ E. 3rd St)

Bloggers Attending: (Email me to be added to this list.) Perge Modo (Farmboyz), Velleity, Manhattan Offender, CircleInASquare, Someone In A Tree, Curly McDimple, The Mark Of Kane, Cynically Optimistic, Habitat 67, Ninth Circle Of Helen, Spamwise, Proceed At Your Own Risk, GGWoo, Fox In The City, Manhattan Chowder, Future Junkie, Rail Guy, Plastic Music, Gayest Neil, Crash And Byrne. Dance For Me, Puppets, High Maintenance Hags, So I Like Superman, See My Briefs, Glennalicious.
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HomoQuotable - David Geffen

“It’s not a very big thing to say, ‘I made a mistake’ on the war, and typical of Hillary Clinton that she can’t." -David Geffen, one of the most wealthy homosexuals in the world and a former major Clinton fundraiser, speaking about his passionate support for Sen. Barack Obama. Geffen spoke to the New York Times' Maureen Dowd, an interview only available to Times Select subscribers, but heavily quoted on Editor & Publisher.

Geffen broke with the Clintons in 2000 after he pleaded in vain for Bill Clinton to pardon possibly wrongly convicted murderer Leonard Peltier, only to see Clinton grant a pardon to Marc Rich, a millionaire fugitive tax evader who illegally traded oil to Iran during the hostage crisis. Geffen yesterday: “Marc Rich getting pardoned? An oil-profiteer expatriate who left the country rather than pay taxes or face justice? Yet another time when the Clintons were unwilling to stand for the things that they genuinely believe in. Everybody in politics lies, but they do it with such ease, it’s troubling.”

Open Thread Thursday

Do you keep anything in your home or vehicle for self-defense? Have you ever had to use it?
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The Handmaiden Of The Quilt

Gentle readers, with the author's permission, I am posting a late comment to last month's post regarding the NY Times article about the AIDS Memorial Quilt. Gert McMullin is the "Handmaiden Of The Quilt", the person directly responsible for its maintenance, repair, and upkeep. Here's her beautiful and touching message:

Joe, the following is in response to some of your readers:

Yes, the entire QUILT has been archived and cataloged. This happens as soon as each 12x12 is sewn together. And to clear things up for some of your readers....all fabric will show its age with time. Any museum can tell you this. We do the best we can while taking into consideration that this QUILT was made to fight AIDS, not to be put behind glass in a museum. Yes it is on shelves in Atlanta....just as it was on shelves in San Francisco.

It does not sit and rot on those shelves. That would happen "over my dead body". We do many displays each year. Would we like to do more? Without a question, YES. But, unfortunately the solution to that is what we are sometimes lacking in, and that's funding.

The QUILT is loved and cared for as it has always been. Hundreds of my dear beloved friends lay on those shelves. I care for them every day. They are all my boys. They are safe. They are not rotting. They are not sitting in storage. They are loved.

Remember not everything you read in the paper is always accurate. Sometimes a simple phone call (or if you are nearby) a visit to our warehouse would ease these rumors. We are open 7 days a week for people to visit and/or view panels they have made for the QUILT. We welcome everyone.

Gert McMullin
Handmaiden of the QUILT
The NAMES Project
AIDS Memorial QUILT

JMG: "They are all my boys." Tissues all around, gentle readers? Please consider sending Gert McMullin a message of support and thanks for her dedication and hard work in keep our history alive: gert_mcmullin@aidsquilt.org. Better yet, help our Handmaiden do her job by making a contribution to the NAMES Project. Pictured below: Gert cares for her boys.

Britain Begins To Pull Out Of Iraq

Tony Blair has announced a reduction in British troops stationed in Iraq, saying that the British-held portion of the country is under better control by the Iraqi government than the U.S.-held portion. Denmark and Lithuania also announced plans to withdraw their tiny contingents. Bush is spinning the British reduction as a "positive sign" that the "corner is turning" in the war. Wait, did I just hear a crowded supermarket explode? The 2007 toll for American soldiers in Iraq: 148 killed, 681 wounded. Grim casuality stats here.

Ass Wednesday

Tim Hardaway scrambled damn fast to get his name off the sign at his Miami car wash. But can even his shitty name be as bad as "Grand Luxe Auto Bathe"?
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Bump-Bump

Last night, Law & Order did another one of their "ripped from the headlines" shows, featuring an married evangelical minister (played by Tom Arnold) who was secretly hiring rent boys and doing crystal meth. The especially satisfying twist was that the minister enjoyed booty bumps. The rent boy (nowhere as cute as Mike Jones) was this close to explaining how to administer a booty bump, when the detective threw up her hand, saying, "I know what a booty bump is, thank you." Otherwise, the episode was limp (ahem) and unsatisfying, and not just because the bad guy/murderer turned out to be the secular humanist who had been debating the minister. Boo! I wanted Haggard Arnold to fry!

Morning View - Meet Oscar

Visitors to Times Square can oogle 50 Oscar statuettes on the ready for this year's awards and even pose at the podium with an actual real Oscar in their hands. (I did this! But the pic was not so great.) The exhibit is free and runs until Saturday.
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Supes Won't Hear Of It

KeyWord Ministries lost its last bid to repost its anti-gay billboard in Staten Island yesterday, when the U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear the case. The signs, which went up briefly in 2000, quoted everybody's favorite Leviticus passage in four different ways, and were removed by the sign company after the borough ruled that the sign was "essentially hate speech", and served no purpose. Nigerian-born Pastor Kristopher Okwedy then launched a long-running freedom of speech lawsuit against the city, supported by the American Family Assocation.
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Queer Sighted

Kenneth Hill, AOL's "gayest editor ever", has merged his AOL.com/gay blog into a new AOL community blog called Queer Sighted. New writers joining Queer Sighted include the fab Richard Rothstein, formerly of Proceed At Your Own Risk, whom you can congratulate this Saturday when Richard joins our blarg hop. Go Queer Sighted! Now y'all go update your blogrolls.
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George Takei On Tim Hardaway

Sulu, my face is set on stun. I believe the kids would say: "Pwned"! George Takei is made of win!

(via - Living In The Bonus Round)

Tuneage

Here's a couple of fun tunes to while away the last of your work day:

-My beer buddy and fellow blogger Bryce was a member of the (sadly defunct) Isotoners, whom I never got to see perform. Here's their song Manboobs: Stream. Download. And here's their fun video, Roofie Me.

-M. Spaff Sumision, the creator of the hilarious Ted Haggard-inspired Supertelevangelistic track, has riffed on the Tim Hardaway situation with Sexist Racist Classist Ageist Homophobic Ignoramous: Stream. Download.
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Bouncy

At first I thought that the name badge on the young lady at Walgreens said "Beyonce", and I thought to myself, "Yeah, you wish." Closer inspection revealed her name to actually be "Bouncy", and I was reminded of various names of co-workers I've had over the years: Precious, Sunshine, Happy, and Merry. These were all their real names, given by their parents. Poor Bouncy. If that's not her real name, I wonder what could have been worse.

UPDATE: I should have mentioned my maternal grandmother, Mildred. When I was little and couldn't say "Grandma", I took to calling her "G.G.", after her repeated attempts to have me learn "Grandma" by spelling it out to me. G.G. stuck, and that's the name the entire family referred to her by for the rest of her life. She remarried late in life to one Edward Love, and was tickled by her new stripper name: G.G. Love. True story.

HoQuotable

"If you want half my money, you come in here and give half this blowjob." - Emily, on the HBO documentary Atlantic City Hookers, explaining why she doesn't use a pimp. Three days later and I'm still laughing.
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Morning View - Hearst Tower

Almost 80 years after the 1928 completion of its six-story base, the 46-story tower of the Hearst was added. The world headquarters for the Hearst publishing empire (SF Chronicle, Good Housekeeping, etc), the Hearst Tower was the first skyscraper to break ground in NYC after 9/11, and its innovative diamond-shape pattern has won architectural awards. My beloved Farmboyz adore the Hearst from afar, but not from within, and Eric of We, Like Sheep doesn't like it at all. What do you think? Some days I hate it, but some days I have to agree with the Farmboyz assessment: "At least it's not boring." Lots of pics here.

UPDATE: Here's a full shot of Hearst Tower.

AIDS Vaccine News

Bill Gates, whom I increasingly believe may be remembered as the greatest man of my lifetime, will today announce a HIV vaccine trial in conjunction with the Canadian government. Gates said that he would be "very surprised" if there is no vaccine for AIDS in his lifetime. A glimmer of hope in the otherwise dim HIV vaccine outlook came a couple of days ago when a team at the NIH announced that they'd generated an atomic-level picture of a key portion of an HIV surface protein as it looks when bound to an infection-fighting antibody. This protein component to the virus appears vulnerable to attack from this antibody, called b12. The rather detailed science of the breakthrough is here.
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First New Jersey Civil Union

Congratulations to Daniel Gross and Steven Goldstein, the first gay couple in New Jersey to have a civil union ceremony. Today New Yorkers have another reason to move across the Hudson, besides the cheaper real estate.

Clippered

Inspired by Johnny's post, here's my own Britney moment from a Halloween party in 1999. I was supposed to be Bill Goldberg, the wrestler, hence the fake tattoo. And don't bother piling on with any comments on my bod. These days, I'm less Bill Goldberg, more Danny Devito. Le sigh. And very soon, I won't need a Halloween party to sport a shaved melon. Double le sigh. But doesn't Britney look like a WeHo twink? Just add some freedom rings and a Don't Panic t-shirt. Anyway, despite universal disapproval from my peeps at the time, I kinda dug my shaved head. Nature is about to force the issue, anyhow.
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SiriusXM

If you're considering buying a satellite radio, you may wish to hang on for a bit. Satellite radio providers Sirius and XM have agreed to merge, although the feds are expected to try and block the move under monopoly rules. I've been on the Sirius gay channel, OutQ, a few times. Since this consolidation will surely bring the elimination of redundant channels, I'm hoping OutQ will survive. XM does not have a gay channel. Listen to OutQ here.
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Scrotum Scrotum Scrotum

Today's WTF comes from the "most emailed" story on the NY Times site regarding the uproar among some school librarians because an award-winning children's book properly uses the word "scrotum" to describe where a dog was bitten by a snake. The usual huff and puffery from uptight prudes has resulted in the book being banned by some school libraries.

Librarian Dana "Pee Pee" Nilsson says, "This book included what I call a Howard Stern-type shock treatment just to see how far they could push the envelope, but they didn’t have the children in mind. How very sad." Nilsson then excused herself to have a tinkle and powder her dirty pillows.

President's Day

Happy President's Day, y'all. We all know who your most-disliked President is, but who's your favorite? I'm partial to Grover Cleveland, about whom I wrote term papers in two non-consecutive semesters. Cleveland famously hired a man to take his place in the Civil War, an action I defended in a middle-school civics class, as the Vietnam draft was taking the older brothers of my classmates.
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You Are Here (Not)

Last night we happened to catch a cab outfitted with the new seat-back TV screens. The right side runs video ads for Broadway shows and other touristy destinations, while the left side contains a GPS map showing the cab's location. You can also scroll the NYC Zagat guide. I suppose the location marker could be handy, except that our map showed us moving briskly down the Garden State Parkway outside of Secaucus, New Jersey. However, the "off" button worked nicely.

Baldguyz Boot

''BaldGuyz, like baldness, does not discriminate based on lifestyle choice, color, education, financial resources, religion, physical capabilities or in any other way.'' - Howard Brauner, CEO of BaldGuyz, as he fired NBA star Tim Hardaway from his Baldguyz endorsement deal. Thanks, Howard. But, um, "lifestyle choice"?

Morning View - Columbus Circle

The monument in the middle of the circle was erected in 1892 to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Columbus "discovering" America. It is the the point from which map makers measure the distance from New York City. A couple of years ago, the fountains that surround the column were renovated by the same team that did the fountains at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, with surprising lovely and understated results. This picture was taken yesterday afternoon from inside the Time-Warner Center. Embiggen to make pretty.

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Happy Chinese New Year. We are now in the Year Of The Pig. As I was born in a Piggy Year (ahem), I checked out my Chinese horoscope:

According to customary superstition, these people are not vengeful creatures. If someone tries to take advantage of them, the pig type tend to withdraw to reflect on the problem and protect themselves. The people of the pig type are conservative creatures of habit. They dislike being made to travel too far from familiar surroundings, unless it is a trip to the countryside. They love nature and are never happier than when they are out somewhere, far from the city.

Allow me to snort in derision, pig-style. Stupid untrue Chinese horoscopes. However, some other Pig people: Elton John, Morrissey, Kevin Spacey. Hmmm.
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Man In Drag Blasts Condom Giveaway

According to Cardinal Edward Egan, Archbishop of New York, the city's massive condom giveaway is "tragic and misguided" and "the only way to protect against sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV and AIDS is through abstinence before marriage and fidelity among married couples." In a joint statement with Brooklyn Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio, Egan goes on to say: "Our political leaders fail to protect the moral tone of our community when they encourage inappropriate sexual activity by blanketing our neighborhoods with condoms."

NJ Splits The Difference

The Attorney General of New Jersey has announced that gay unions performed in other jurisdictions will be recognized as such, even if other the unions were called "marriage". Activists consider this partially good news. On the one hand, gay people married in Massachusetts, Canada, Spain, etc, will have all the rights and privileges of "civil union" couples in New Jersey. However, they will not be granted the title of "married", they will be treated like other "civil union" couples from states like Vermont and Connecticut. Everybody got that? This just gets more and more legally murky and marriage equality activists have vowed to sue New Jersey on this issue. Gay civil unions begin in New Jersey tomorrow.

Morning View - Central Park